Hooked

You know how it is when you know you should or shouldn't do something but you let the opposite happen?  Story of my life.

I told myself when I finally got my crochet mojo back that I wasn't going to overload myself with projects.  I was going to go from project to project, I had a big project in mind that I was excited to get started with once I was finished with some long-neglected things.  No deadlines, just relaxing work.

Then I made that frog.

I loved making that frog.  So I wanted to make some similar stuffed animals for the girls for Easter.  I had 3 weeks, plenty of time.

A photo posted by Jennifer Pollock (@justjennifer75) on Mar 10, 2016 at 7:46pm PST

Isabelle's Happypotamus in progress... It's actually almost finished now.

A photo posted by Jennifer Pollock (@justjennifer75) on Mar 16, 2016 at 5:28pm PDT

I started on Zoe's Fatty Lumpkin the Brave (he's a horse, with a fantastic name).  I can work on the flowers with the girls around, but I can't do assembly, so I have both going on.  I'm also making Olivia a Fatty Lumpkin, but with wings, because she's into Pegasuses.

Then Ms. Norma asked my Mom if I would make another frog to sell her.  I said, sure, as long as it could wait until after Easter.

A friend mentioned wanting a turtle.  I never committed to doing it, but I really would like to.

A coworker who is always asking me to make her something or other finally wore me down and wants not one, but two mermaid tail blankets.  She really wanted them before Easter, but I told her there was no way, not even if I wasn't working on things that needed to be done before them.  I've really never had any desire to make one of these, let alone 2, or the 3 my kids will be begging for afterwards.

Isabelle wants me to make the We Bare Bears (If you haven't seen that cartoon, you HAVE to watch it - Cartoon Network.  It cracks me up) for her birthday next month.  I had wanted to make her a fusion blanket (fabric and crochet) for her birthday, but I don't think I could finish in time anyway, but it's also on the list because I actually did buy the fabric.

And I still need to finish up one of the pillows I am making for my sister.

Olivia wants me to make an Eevee and Sylveon for her and her best friend (Pokemon.... can you believe that's still around?).

That's 12 projects lined up.  I'm ridiculous.

A photo posted by Jennifer Pollock (@justjennifer75) on Mar 16, 2016 at 12:14pm PDT

And my sister sent me this box of awesomeness that I can only stare at for the next few months before I can make myself something.  The blue and green are alpaca.  They're payment for making her a cowl earlier this year.  I only asked for the reddish yarn, the alpaca yarn is a tip I guess.  =)

Don't talk to strangers

I work in an outpatient surgery clinic that is attached to a hospital. Usually, if I have to use the restroom, I go down the hall to the public restroom at the hospital. Not because we don't have one, but because ours is occupied 75% of the time I want to use it.  That's never a problem in the hospital. But, there's obviously a down side to using a public restroom.

The public.

I'm an introvert.  Very much so. I am not going to initiate conversation with someone I know, let alone a stranger. Especially a stranger in the bathroom. But, some people are different and don't feel the need for such boundaries.

So, the other day, I run down to the restroom. There is a lady in front of the mirror. I breeze past her and go into a stall.  I take care of business and then I hear: "Are you a nurse in the emergency room? "

I wear scrubs to work. I don't know why the office staff wears scrubs, but we do. I was sure this lady was talking to me because the restroom had been empty except for the 2 of us when I came in and I hadn't heard the door open since.

I answered, "No. I am not a nurse at all. "

"Do you know anything about fibroid tumors? "

I told her I really didn't know much as I came out of my stall and headed for the sink.

She started telling me that she just found out that she has fibroid tumors and that she was really afraid because she doesn't know anything about them. I listened to her because I felt bad for her. She was obviously really anxious and had been crying. I hoped lending an ear would make her feel a little better, even if it made me feel uncomfortable. I try to be a compassionate person sometimes.

I listened for a bit and wished her the best outcome and headed out of the bathroom. She followed me into the hall and continued to talk to me.

After a few minutes, I started to realize she wasn't simply anxious about a diagnosis she was unfamiliar with. She was convinced it would become cancer and she told me she'd rather go home and kill herself than die slowly of cancer.

Of course, then I was concerned for her mental well-being. I couldn't just take off back to work thinking she's headed home to commit suicide over fibroid tumors.

She continued on, telling me about all the various medical conditions in her family. She sounded stranger and stranger by the minute. She started talking about her granddaughter. How her granddaughter was taken away by the state....

I was dying to leave. We were past the comforting and into seriously personal stuff now. Way out of my comfort zone.  And, to be honest, she wasn't sounding very stable.

I listened to her anxiety turned paranoia turned conspiracy for about half an hour. No exaggeration. When she angrily told me how the judge who was sneaking booze into his coffee during the hearing gave her biracial grandchild to racists who probably just beat her, I decided I really needed to get out of there. I told her I had to get back to work. She hugged me. I'm so not a hugger, but I hugged her back.

But then she kept talking. As I kept stepping back, trying to get away. She was ranting about the injustice of the child protective services. How they take kids from their living families to sell to other families.

I'm not trying to be callous to her situation.  Really. But it sounded like that poor child is most likely in a far better situation judging by things she said and how she was acting herself.

I finally actually broke away and got back to my desk. Everyone was wondering what had happened. I told them I had honestly hoped one of them would have come looking for me. They assured me next time they would.

Next time.

Trust me, for a while, I'll be doing a pee pee dance waiting for the bathroom at the surgery center to be free. Because that's exactly why you don't talk to strangers in the bathroom.

This and that

This is the longest week ever.  You'd think I had something exciting on the horizon to make the days drag, but no.  I'm just really tired this week.

I had a message the other day that my doctor appointment in April needed to be rescheduled.  So I called yesterday and was informed that my primary care doctor is leaving the practice at the end of this month.  I'm so sad.  I love my doctor.  He listens to me and doesn't make me feel like a loser for not being perfect.  I went ahead and made an appointment with the other doctor in the practice.  I'm really hoping she'll be as good.

One thing my doctor and I had talked about when he put me on antidepressants was going to therapy.  I put off making an appointment because my insurance was changing and I didn't have mental health benefits with my old policy.  I do now, but I felt so much better that I just didn't do it.  I'm thinking about it now though.  My meds are working, I'm no where near where I was, but I think now that my body is used to them, they're not quite enough.  I just can't summon up the drive to get things done.  I'm just BLAH.  I just skate by doing the minimum.  But my biggest problem is that I want to binge eat all the time.  And if I try to just not have anything in the house, it makes me anxious all night.  So I'm thinking I should make that appointment now and see if they can help me to deal with all this without adjusting my meds.  I need to have some drive to do something other than sit in the recliner and crochet while I listen to an audiobook.

And speaking of crocheting, I am soooo close to being finished with a long time project:

A photo posted by Jennifer Pollock (@justjennifer75) on Mar 9, 2016 at 8:13pm PST

It's a Versailles Matelasse afghan.  Matelasse are whole cloth quilts where the focus is more on the quilting of the fabric, where as most traditional quilts are all about the designing of different pieces of fabric.  I found an ebook of crocheted afghans inspired by this type of quilt and I just think they are so beautiful.  I just need to add the border and weave in my ends and I'm finished.  I started this last spring, I believe.  I used some yarn that  had been given to me, it's not the best yarn.... pretty scratchy, but maybe I can soften it up in the laundry.  Olivia has tried to claim it already.  I think it's too heavy to be used as a throw for the couch, but it's too small for my bed, so I guess it would be fine for her bed.  I'm debating making a different matelasse pattern for my bedspread.  I was planning on a different pattern, but now I'm wavering.

The dogs are still with us.  I honestly don't think anyone is going to step up to claim them.  I guess we have two more dogs, then.  Yippee.  Sigh.

Population explosion

You know how most people make some sort of conscious decision to get a pet?  Not us.  Every one of our animals has just fallen into our laps.

Killer was a stray that decided we were home.

Ollie was dumped at a friend's workplace and we took him in.

Henrietta was a stray that Bill found.

Tiger and Misty were my Mom's cats that we took in when she decided she couldn't take care of them anymore.

So, you know, with that track record, it's no wonder that my kids think that if a stray animal finds its way to our home, they are supposed to be ours.

Sigh.

Isabelle gets off the school bus just a few minutes before I pull in the driveway after picking up her sisters.  She's often outside waiting on us (begging to go do something other than stay at home all afternoon/evening).  Monday, when we got home, it looked like she was searching for something.  I thought at first maybe Ollie got out.  I parked and headed over to see what she was doing.  She said she saw two stray puppies and she was trying to get them to come over so she could see if they had tags.  Then these two small dogs come bounding over, excited and playful.  No tags.  Of course.

I took pictures of the dogs, posted on Facebook about them, reported them to the local lost and found pet organization.  We tried to feed them, but they weren't starving.  They looked healthy, and they were extremely friendly.  There was a black female and a brown and white male.  The boy dog ran off again, and Isabelle tried for a while to get him to come back, but he got too far down the road.  We took the girl dog inside.  About an hour later, the boy dog came back and came in the house.

People shared the dogs photos, but no one has come forward to claim them.  I was really hoping someone would, and I still do.  I don't want or need 2 more pets.  I can't take them to the local shelter.  We do have some no-kill shelters in the area, but even still, I would feel terrible.  Black dogs are hard to adopt out, so I could be dooming her to God only knows how long in a cage in a shelter.  And they seem to be a package deal.... they do not like to be apart.  What are the odds of someone taking both of them?  Maybe I'm just too soft.

Obviously, the girls think we should keep the dogs.  They've already named them.  Libby and Roscoe.  I was hoping Bill would back me up on not keeping them.  I mean, we have FIVE animals already.  But he's softer than I am.  I do have to admit that they have not been a problem the two nights they've been here.  The boy dog runs off when we let them out, but he comes right back after an hour or so.  The girl dog is perfectly content where she is.  They're calm.

But seven animals?  Ugh.  I don't know what to do.

My sister joked yesterday that we should keep them because we'd have 5 humans, 4 cats, and 3 dogs.  We could get 2 alpaca and a goat and we'd have an awesome counting song.

A photo posted by Jennifer Pollock (@justjennifer75) on Mar 8, 2016 at 6:28pm PST

For now, I guess I'll just keep holding out hope that someone claims them.  In the meantime, we need more seating in the living room....

Avocado

Hello!  =)

How's it going?  Good?  Good.

So, you know, my Mom lives in an apartment building for seniors.  And every week we walk past this one particular door on our way to my Mom's.  The lady that lives there decorates her door up for the holidays and it always makes me smile.  Last week, she had changed it over to St. Patrick's Day, with a big green shamrock on the door and a cute frog sitting outside the door.  As we were leaving, I told my Mom that I should make her a little present since she always makes me smile.  A little frog, I thought.  When I got home, I settled on a pattern and had the yarn on hand, so I began.

I didn't realize until after buying and printing the pattern that the pattern was written for fingering or lace yarn.  I had worsted weight.  I knew the pattern would still work, it just meant it would be bigger than I thought it would be.

A lot bigger.

I was thinking I'd be making a little 6 inch froggie.  A small token.  

The thing turned into a beast!

A photo posted by Jennifer Pollock (@justjennifer75) on Mar 6, 2016 at 2:27pm PST

I didn't officially measure it, but it was a good 12" from nose to tail.  Huge.  But it was so much fun to make.  I'm just in awe that the pattern designer can take a bunch of hexagons and pentagons and form different animal shapes out of them.  There's a while line of patterns and I'm already planning to make 3 or 4 more of them as Easter gifts for the girls.  

The girls named him Avocado.  I left  him by her other frog with a little note.  I didn't tell her who I was.  I just wanted it to be a little random act of kindness.  I hope she likes it.

************

One of the Christmas presents we got for the family (including my sister and brother-in-law) was tickets to go see School House Rock Live this past weekend.  It was a small production at the Children's Theater, but it was so amazing!

A photo posted by Jennifer Pollock (@justjennifer75) on Mar 5, 2016 at 11:40am PST

School House Rock has a special place in my heart, because my Dad used to sing the songs all the time, especially Lolly, Lolly, Lolly.  If you remember, my sisters and I actually have matching Lolly tattoos.  My sister and I agreed before the show that they probably wouldn't do Lolly, because it seems no one ever remembers that song.  Oh, but they did.  And it put such a huge smile on my face.  The whole production was fantastic.  It was just so fun!  If you have a children's theater in your area, you really should check it out.... the plays are great and it's really affordable.  Rumor has it they're doing Junie B. Jones next season.  We are so there.

And in case YOU don't recall Lolly.....

Happy Leap Day!

This year is zooming by too quickly.

This past week, I finished 2 projects.

A photo posted by Jennifer Pollock (@justjennifer75) on Feb 23, 2016 at 7:36pm PST

A pillow for my sister's new bedroom.  I have another pillow to make for her as well.  I just have ADD with my crocheting and seem to have to work on 2 or 3 projects at a time, so it takes a while to finish anything unless I'm freaking out excited about it.

A photo posted by Jennifer Pollock (@justjennifer75) on Feb 28, 2016 at 11:48am PST

And my fancy yarn shawl.  I haven't blocked it yet, and really can't think of why I really need a shawl, but it's finished and it's pretty.  And Izzy is probably the coolest 9 year old I know.  I wish I were as cool as Izzy.

I'm very frustrated with myself.  I've been so lazy lately.  I have all these intentions.... I need to do yoga Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday.... Walk at home video Monday and Wednesday.... go on my long walks Saturday and Sunday morning.  But the time comes and I am too tired, or want to sleep in or need to finish this thing or another up.  Tomorrow I'll be back on track.  Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.  And I tell myself to sit down and plan out a better plan for meals for the next week and then, all of a sudden, it's Saturday and time to go grocery shopping and I have no plan and no time to do much more than slap together a list of the usual stuff.

I have to do it though.  If I don't, in April, when my A1C hasn't come back down, he's going to jack up my insulin, and that shtuff is ridiculously expensive.  Not to mention all the admittedly more important reasons of, you know, my health and all that.

I know I need to do these things.  I know exactly what to do.  It's not a matter of ignorance.  I just don't do it and I can't explain it.  It's so incredibly frustrating.  I should be kicking ass.... I've done it before.  I think back to when I was losing weight before and try to think of why I could do it then, but not now.  What was the difference?

In December, when the doctor put me on antidepressants, he suggested that I go to counselling, and maybe he's right.  Maybe I could figure out where that switch is and turn it back on.

I'm also very jealous....  I have followed the Do Life. page on Facebook for a while.  Ben was quiet for a while because he gained a lot of weight back, but he's back at it and now he's started an enormous adventure:  walking across the country.  Last year, I followed a guy named Ryan Ray as he did the same thing.  I just think that has to be the absolute coolest thing ever.  I would do that in a heartbeat.  But, of course, it's easier for guys to do things like that.  They don't face the same dangers that I, as a woman, would.  They have a far easier time peeing on the side of the road.  They don't have a period to deal with every month.  Or maybe I'm just looking for reasons why I couldn't do it, because it's such a monumental task.  I mean, I couldn't do it for quite a few years... I couldn't be away from my kids for months on end until they're much, much older, obviously, but still.... it would be amazing.

Tiny Al

I couldn't sleep last night.  Up every hour, hour and a half.  I finally realized about 2am that I was just too warm to sleep.  I normally close the vent in our bedroom off when the heat is on because it gets too hot in there.  Well, it's been unseasonably warm and we actually have had the air conditioner on the past few days, but the vent in my bedroom is still closed.  So I'm dragging today.  Utterly exhausted.  I hate it.

There are these little toys that the girls go nuts over.... it's a plastic egg, like you get at Easter, covered in chocolate.  They used to watch Youtube videos all the time of people opening these kinds of things all the time.  I won't buy them (because I'm one of those terrible parents that doesn't indulge every one of my childrens' whims), but they saved up a little bit of money and bought some on their own.  Inside one of them was a tiny plastic alpaca.  I adore alpacas... I wouldn't mind at all if Bill turned his dairy farm dream into an alpaca farm (I'd prefer it, to be honest).  So, my sweet Izzy gave me the little toy.

Izzy got a toy alpaca as some prize in something or other. She gave it to me. I guess Tiny Al Pacacino will have to do until I can talk Bill into getting me a real one.

A photo posted by Jennifer Pollock (@justjennifer75) on Feb 14, 2016 at 8:07pm PST

She even clipped a little bit of yarn I had been using and give it a little scarf.  I named him Tiny Al Pacacino and he goes places with me.  It's become a silly little thing that seems to amuse my friends and family on Facebook.

Tiny Al Pacacino chilling by the pool. #tinyalpacacino

A photo posted by Jennifer Pollock (@justjennifer75) on Feb 19, 2016 at 4:38pm PST

That's an indoor pool, by the way.  It's unseasonably warm, but not pool weather.  We were just fortunate to have a friend in town staying at a hotel with a pool.  Her boyfriend was with her and my kids asked them when they're getting married.  She told them they weren't even engaged, so my kids said "Why haven't you engaged her yet?"  And he did!  I don't know that my kids had anything to do with it, but by the time they left to go home, they were engaged.  So sweet.

The ball is shrinking as the shawl is growing. I'm just feeling really cranky today.  I want to put my PJs on and crawl into a tote full of yarn and hide. #crochet #crochetersofinstagram

A photo posted by Jennifer Pollock (@justjennifer75) on Feb 18, 2016 at 2:29pm PST

Other than that, all I've done is listen to audiobooks and crochet.  Seriously lazy the past week.  I didn't even do my yoga and I can feel it, so I have to get back to that today.  I listened to A Clockwork Orange.  I have never seen the movie and I didn't really know much about it.  I spent the first few chapters trying to figure out what all the made up language was.  You can still get a picture of what is going on, even with all these strange words being thrown around, but it does take a while for it all to click and you to know exactly what he's saying.  (There is an online dictionary, believe it or not.  I looked it over a few times to make sure I wasn't misinterpreting things)  I LOVED the book.  I really did.  And the audiobook performance was just fantastic.  It was fun to listen to.  But now I have all these nonsense words bumping around my brain.  Do you ever get words stuck in your head like a song?  It's like that.

No Mama. You may not crochet tonight. You must love me. But not right now. OK, now.  Oh, too late. Why aren't you petting me? #bratcat

A photo posted by Jennifer Pollock (@justjennifer75) on Feb 19, 2016 at 8:54pm PST

Hopefully I can be more productive this week.  Although a nap sounds glorious right now....