I'm feeling really "blah" tonight. This week has been just so crazy and hectic, and knowing I have to go back to work in 2 days just has me a little down. I'm really not looking forward to going back to work. I have barely thought about it at all this week, until realizing today is Friday and my week off is winding down quickly. And knowing that in a week and a half, I'm going to be working with 2 people I really don't know very well makes me really anxious. And for the first time since I was made Office Manager over 7 years ago (which was honestly just to justify my pay, if you ask me), I will actually be looked upon as the Office Manager. Before, the girls I worked with had everything under control. They knew their jobs better than I did and did a good job without any intervention on my part. Now I'll have 2 newbies who will be looking at me for guidance. Plus, I just don't like my job anyway. We know this.
So. This week. The vacation I really need a vacation to recover from. Seriously.
Monday. Well, you know my Grandfather passed away Monday. In addition to that, our dryer broke and the laundry went into hyper reproduction mode. I swear, my hallway looks like all our closets and dressers barfed.
Tuesday. I honestly don't remember much of anything about Tuesday. I know I went to the laundromat. But Tuesday pretty much seems to have fallen into some abyss. I'd like it back, please.
Wednesday. Our impromptu Fun Day. My back is itching from the sunburn I didn't realize I had.
Thursday. I woke up to this...
That's not the Super Moon. That's my husband's new neon Snap On clock, which resides above our computer in the kitchen (yes, my computer is in the kitchen). Whenever I have my back to it, the neon reflects against my glasses and freaks me out. I think I'm having a migraine aura. I turn the stupid thing off, someone turns it back on. I hate it and I don't even know what my husband had to purchase to get it. His dealer told Bill he is going to need a garage before I start stalking him on Facebook and castrate him. Bill said, "You? You and me both." No lie.
Then, when I was getting the girls up for Day Camp, I found out that Isabelle got up in the night and her ear was bleeding. Really? Are we ever going to be done with ear issues? So, I called to make her a doctor's appointment. They gave me an 8:40 appointment, which meant that I couldn't take her to that and drop the other two off at Day Camp so Bill had to get up and deal with Day Camp.
After the doctor telling me she really couldn't tell what was causing the bleeding (tubes are still intact, no apparent ear infection), and more discussion with Bill, I believe what happened was that Isabelle woke up with swimmer's ear in the middle of the night and tried to clean her ear out with a Q-tip. She scratched the eardrum in the process, and it bled. I guess. There was still dried blood in her ear tonight, which seemed odd - I would have thought it would have stopped by now - but we're doing antibiotic drops for a week.
I got home and immediately had to leave for Hot Springs with my sister. Bill needed the van, obviously, to deal with picking the girls up from Day Camp, and I didn't want to drive the truck because the AC doesn't work. We had lunch with my parents in the retirement village dining room and I got a text from Bill...
"Where is the van key?"
I was an hour away, with the only van key. Even if I had asked for someone to run me back home, there was not enough time for me to do that and get back in time for the memorial service. Bill was super cool about it... I totally expected him to be all kinds of ticked off at me. He made it work. I am not saying it was entirely safe or legal, but he made it work. He also managed to overdose the kids on sugar via a Triple Fudge Meltdown at Applebees (Apiece. Really. What was he thinking?).
Friday.
I woke up late to take the girls to Day Camp. Any other day of the year, they're up at the butt crack of dawn, but today they sleep in and drag getting ready out to epically frustrating proportions.
And Isabelle had puked in the middle of the night and didn't notify anyone. She mentioned coughing, so I think she just coughed until she threw up, because she wasn't sickly at all this morning. Bill cleaned up the puke. He's been a good man this week. I really hope she just sleeps tonight, because I don't need another surprise out of her in the morning.
Today I read a book. A whole book. Proof of Heaven by Eben Alexander M.D. He's a neurosurgeon who went into a coma after contracting an impossible case of E. coli meningitis and miraculously recovered fully after having a near-death experience. I'm not saying it is a bad book, I read the whole thing in one day, so it was definitely interesting. But it just wasn't entirely what I wanted it to be. I don't talk about religion much, but I'll just say that I'm searching for what I believe. Last summer I really got back into going to church and felt really good about it, but then I just felt crushed with uncertainty again and was content with just not knowing anymore. If that makes sense. But now I feel that need to have some sort of answers again. I don't know if I should go back to church, because I just don't know if that's what I believe anymore.
My Grandfather was not a Christian. He was a deeply spiritual man, I do know that, but he found his peace in nature and meditation. I really wish I had taken the time to really talk to him about it, but, of course, it's too late. I do know that something happened right before he died, though. His caretaker said the last few days he was alive, he spent most of his time awake staring into the corner of his room. And just a few hours before he passed, he gasped and had the biggest smile on his face. He drifted off to sleep and died a little while later. The book I read today was his book, and he gave it to my mom. I saw it at her house after the memorial service and took it when she told me it was Grandpa's book. I guess I hoped it would help me, but it really was more of the author trying to explain that it was scientifically impossible for his experience to just be some hallucination (which of course, many scientists and doctors are debating his reasons for saying that) than a book about what he actually experienced and learned. He did get into that somewhat, but not to the extent I was searching for, I guess.
Maybe I was hoping it would tell me something profound, something that just would make me go "Aha! That's what I needed!" Maybe I thought this book was there for me to find right at this moment because I really need to know something, something that does not make sense to me right now.
See, I was raised believing someone like my Grandfather wouldn't go to Heaven. And I just can't believe that. And I really can't believe that based on what his caretaker said. Unless at some point in the past few months he had professed his faith in something he had always previously denied and no one told me... Unless it was just some chemical euphoric reaction... Even so, I just have a hard time believing that someone as kind and honest and just plain GOOD as my Grandfather would be eternally damned. I'm not just being biased because he's my Grandfather, he was honestly and truly one of the best people you could ever meet. If he couldn't go to Heaven and someone who is just a terrible person, yet had become a Christian at some early point in his life, can... I just can't reconcile that. I just have so much trouble believing in this version of God I was raised with, one with all these strict rules, one who would punish so many people with Hell because they were raised to believe a different way. In my mind, He loves everyone. Unconditionally. No matter your religious "flavor". God is Allah, God is The Universe, God is Buddha. God just wants us to love Him, love ourselves, love each other. Period. But I was raised being told, "No. Oh, no, no, no. That's wrong. There is only ONE WAY. The others are wrong, they're all going to Hell." Why create such a vast world, and condemn so much of it?
OK, that got deep.
I'm tired. I'm blue-sy over having to go to work. I'm thrown into philosophical and spiritual confusion. Sorry. I don't mean to be a bummer. I'll leave you with my husband's pet lint roller to cheer you up..
And you thought I was joking.
Today was my Grandpa's memorial service. I actually had never been to a memorial service before, just funerals, and there is a huge difference. I far prefer memorial services. I really enjoyed hearing everyone's memories of my Grandpa.
There were people there from his woodcarving group. One man told how in order to be a Master Carver officially with the National Woodcarvers Association (or whatever they're called) there are several things you have to do, and my grandfather was never interested in the title or notoriety of being one. But they all know he definitely was a Master Carver and could have won award after award for his work.
There were people there from the Audubon Society, talking about what joy he always took in bird watching and how, even if he never got to see a bird while he was out, he just was so at peace in nature and loved every minute of it.
They talked of his patience, something both of his big hobbies required. His carvings were all so intricate... he'd have to sit and wait for hours to see birds.
His caretakers that were with him at the end were there, and I was so amazed by how genuine they were about their affection for him. They believed he deserved to be treated like royalty in his last days, and went to great lengths to provide him every comfort they could. They would refuse his meals if the dining room prepared him something he wouldn't eat or even if they gave him a larger portion than he could eat, because he would feel bad about wasting the food. They demanded perfection for him. They also made it very evident how much they cared for my parents, and one of them made my mother a prayer candle to help bring her peace.
My mother is doing great, by the way. It's been tough for her because they were very close, but she's relieved that he's no longer suffering. Even before his cancer caused him any pain, just the fact that he could no longer be as active as he was used to was difficult for him to take. But he's at peace now, and she's grateful.
The part of the service that really touched me the most was a man named Charles. When my grandparents used to travel a lot, they would stop at Indian Reservations and buy turquoise jewelry. They had a very large collection. At one point, they decided to sell most of it and contacted Charles to help them. They didn't sell all of it, I actually have a few of the pieces, because I'm a December baby (like my Grandpa) and turquoise is my birthstone. I adore them, and part of me wishes they hadn't sold any of it because I'd wear it all. =) I wore one of the rings today. Charles said that my Grandpa could tell him where they got each piece and the story of how they got it, what they paid for it. They continued to be really good friends afterwards. He then said that the last time he saw my Grandpa was just a few months ago. My Grandpa had always told him about his carvings, but he hadn't seen them. So my Grandpa took him the book of photographs of his carvings that I had made for this past Christmas. I was so touched to know that he was so proud of something I did and that he was able to do a little showing-off (which is something he RARELY did). My parents gave Charles the cane that my Grandfather carved and used every day. It was hard to see him walk away with that cane, but my parents said he was just thrilled to have it.
Earlier this year, my parents moved my Grandpa to a retirement village, and they ended up moving into it as well a few months later. We had lunch with them today in the dining room, and I was just blown away by how everyone knew my parents and loved them so much. I was just so happy to see that they're somewhere where they're cared for by so many people and have things to do all the time. It's still a little odd, because they're definitely one of the younger people there, but it eases that worry that I have had since my older sister moved away (she lived near them, my other sister and I live an hour away) about them not having anyone close by.
It's been an emotional, but very wonderful day, even given the circumstances. My Grandpa would not want any of us to be sad about him being gone. I do miss him, terribly, but I'm just so very glad that he was MY grandfather.
Earlier this summer, Bill and I had made a tentative plan for both of us to take some time off work together and for us to do a lot of fun things, as a family. Then I ended up rushing my vacation in order to just be able to take it, and, well, this week has just not gone as planned.
Obviously we were not going to be spending all week doing things because Bill can't get time off on such short notice. So, I decided I would spend the week cleaning and organizing and decluttering the house. Well, of course, on Monday... after deciding over the weekend to not do my marathon laundry session since I had all week to do it... our dryer quit tumbling. I swear, the laundry basket barfed at that moment and there was not one clean towel, the kids' closet was a wasteland of empty hangers, and I now had no way to do laundry at home. Bill tore apart the dryer, diagnosed a broken belt, and we crossed our fingers that we could just pick one up somewhere on Tuesday and be back in business.
No such luck. Our dryer is ancient and not a big name brand.... so we had to order the belt and it won't be in until Friday. I toted a few loads of laundry to the laundromat, gasped at how much it cost to use their machines ($2 to wash, $1 to dry!), but otherwise enjoyed an hour or so of absolute solitude.
Today I got up with a long list of things to do. Gather up clothes that need to be taken to Goodwill, mop, find the floor of my bedroom, etc., etc.... I felt a little twinge of guilt that we hadn't taken the girls out for any fun on my vacation yet, but I told myself we could do it on Friday.
Then I remembered they have Day Camp on Friday, which I've already paid for. And tomorrow is out of the question because I'll be in Hot Springs with my family for my grandfather's memorial service. (We decided not to take the girls, and Bill's cousin happens to be passing through town so he'll take them to see her instead)
So I scrapped my plans for the day, told the girls to get their swim suits on and headed to Splash Zone.
They weren't too thrilled when I made them reapply sunscreen. =) We spent 3 hours there.
We went home to change and then went to have a late lunch.
This child likes to dip apple slices in ketchup. Like McDonald's apple slices aren't nasty enough alone.
Then we went to wander the mall, half-heartedly looking for some shoes for me. I hate shopping for myself. I really need some sandals, because my flip flops hurt the foot where I broke my baby toe last year and I just don't want to wear sneakers 24/7. But I couldn't find any I liked or was willing to pay for.
Good grief, I just sounded way too practical in that paragraph.
We then splurged and went to see Despicable Me 2. I normally won't take the girls to anything but the dollar movie theater. $30 for all of us to see a movie is stupid, in my opinion. I'll gladly fork over $6, but I'm cheap. I had never been to the new theater in the mall, and it made me feel stupid. I couldn't figure out how to get the arm rest down. I never did figure it out, either. The movie was cute, though.
By then, it was 7pm.
A full day of fun: accomplished!
My Grandfather passed away last night. It was expected... he's been suffering from bladder cancer. All the same, the world now has a shortage of awesome and I'm sad. He's been one of the biggest inspirations in my life. Intelligent, hard-working, creative, kind. He was career Navy, a WWII vet, an avid bird-watcher, was pulling tree stumps in his late 60s (maybe 70s, I'm terrible with ages), and used to grow tomato plants taller than him. I wrote a whole post on what an awesome carver he was, go take a look and be amazed.
I'll miss you, Grandpa 'Let. I hope Heaven has more birds than you can name.
I want to sew.
I know, I know. I haven't touched my machine in probably close to a year. But I cleaned Isabelle's room and decided before she trashes it again, I need to use my sewing machine. So I excavated some fabric and washed it. Picked out a few tutorial/patterns. After they go to bed, I'm going to cut the fabric and get it ready to sew tomorrow (can't sew after they go to bed until/unless I move my machine since it's in Isabelle's room).
I had to take new measurements for the girls, obviously. A lot has changed over the past year. Last year, they could pretty much all wear the same size, with the only difference being that things were longer on Zoe because she's shorter. Now, they're all three very different sizes. I'm so used to being able to just make one dress and letting them fight over it. Now, if I make something to fit Olivia, no one else can wear it, because she's the smallest. The sizes actually go in reverse of their ages. Zoe is the biggest (which is depressing, because she's still the shortest). If I want something that will last through all three of them, I have to make it her size and her big sisters will have to grow into it. That really concerns me, but that's a whole other blog post. If I make something to fit Olivia, neither of her sisters will ever wear it.
I'm trying to figure out ways to make things fit all three of them. Mainly because they're fighting over the fabric I pulled out. Fun times.
I'm going to make a paper bag waist skirt, and two sundresses. The challenge will be making a skirt that will fit both Olivia and Zoe. There is a SIX inch difference between their waist measurements.
*cracking my knuckles*
Let's do this.
This morning was the Firecracker Fast 5k that is held by the running store where I bought my shoes, Fleet Feet Easy Runner. I was nervous about registering for it, because it was described as a mostly downhill course. I've always heard it's easier to injure yourself running downhill. Plus, being a "fast" race, I was worried about having some amazing PR that I'll never beat. But I wanted to run a race and pickings are slim this time of year.
Since it's July, and usually disgustingly hot, the race started at 7:30am. However, the weather has been really mild this week. I opened the door this morning and it was actually chilly outside. Awesome! It was a bit warmer by the time we got there, just perfect. Not warm, not cold.
Off topic, but I realized today that my collar bones are starting to become visible. So freaking awesome! I don't remember the last time I saw those things.
As usual, my sister joined me. She almost didn't, though. She had a car accident a few weeks ago, and had some bruised ribs. She's had a hard time running since, but she decided to give it a go. She was worried about being the only one walking parts of the course, but she had nothing to worry about. Even a "fast" 5k has walkers. She told me not to hold myself back to keep pace with her and I didn't. We were together until the first real downhill part and I left her behind then.
I haven't had a whole lot of experience running downhill. But this is what I have learned: It's kind of like riding a motorcycle, you have to lean into the curves (or the hill in this case). You want to right yourself when you start to tilt, but you just need to embrace the tilt. My first reaction to running downhill is to lean back a little, because I feel like I'm pitching forward and afraid I'll fall on my face if I go to fast. It makes the footfalls feel really jarring to me. But if I just let myself lean forward like my body wants to, I don't feel so jarred and it's a lot more fun.
There were some pretty steep downhill parts. But they forgot to mention that most of the last half mile is uphill. I got halfway up and had a stitch in my side and a pain in my upper right chest. I thought "Oh crap! I joked about this race killing me because I've been such a slacker, and now I'm really going to die!" But walking for a few minutes helped and I was able to actually run to the finish. I think it was a breathing thing, not a heart thing... I never felt BAD, and it went away as soon as my breathing slowed.
My official time was 40:05. That is almost 5 minutes faster than my last 5k. I don't think it's fast enough to discourage me - I'm not thinking "Oh no! I'll never beat that PR!" I think with enough work, I could beat it eventually on a normal race. It will take some time, but I can do it. It gives me a good goal.
My sister did really well, too. She was only a few minutes behind me, which is awesome, all things considered.
The race was a point-to-point race, instead of a loop. So we could either walk back to the start where we parked, or take a trolley. We decided walking uphill 3.1 miles back to the start was too much, so we waited for the trolley.
We didn't make it on the first round, and started to wait for the second round. After 20 minutes, we decided to just walk. It was just taking way too long and I, personally, had no desire to be packed like that into a trolley with that many sweaty people.
We used the GPS on the phone to shortcut through a neighborhood, so we actually only had to walk 1.6 miles back to the van. =) Uphill, yes, but only about half the distance.
Oh, and they posted a finish line video on their Facebook feed today. Yeah, I didn't need that confirmation of how ridiculous I look running....
Next up will probably be the Ranch Run 5k on August 3, and I don't think my sister is doing that. Not only is it about a 45 minute drive away, it starts at 6am. Yeah. 6am. I haven't registered yet, but I do plan on it. I have to work these things into the budget. Being a runner isn't cheap.
How's summer treating you? I know I've been fairly quiet... just not a lot to say. Summer is icky to me, as usual. Stressful, hot, lazy. Ugh. I tend to get really "blah" in the summer, and this summer is no exception. I'm trying, but I can't shake it.
We had Olivia all registered for her summer program that she went to last summer. It's for gifted children, and we had to apply and provide recommendations and test scores. So it's a fairly big deal to get accepted. But she refused to go. After weeks of her getting upset whenever we brought it up and several days of soul searching, I declined her spot. I'm disappointed, but I can't force her to do something that upsets her. It's an anxiety thing, I know... she is frightened of going all alone into a school full of people she doesn't know. I just didn't feel right making her go.
Since we had the money saved up for that, and we had saved up a little more to put Isabelle in a different summer camp at the same time, we decided to take that money and put all three of them in a day camp 2 days a week for the rest of the summer. The only problem with it is that the older two get to go off campus a few times to do fun field trips, and Zoe won't get to go because she's too young. This Friday they're going to Jump Zone, so I anticipate a very ticked off 5 year old when she figures it out. I haven't told any of them about the field trip. However, I am hoping that getting them away from the house for 2 days a week will help with the boredom going on with them.
They have been fairly good this summer... up until this week. This week, the boredom finally really settled in and they have been into EVERYTHING. It's like the whole house has been turned upside down. I'm not the world's greatest housekeeper, I will freely admit that. But even I am just appalled right now. I can't walk into Isabelle's room to kiss her goodnight, there is just so much junk on the floor. They've gotten into craft supplies... glitter all over the other bedroom. My bedroom is trashed and my blankets scattered all over the room every day. The living room looks like a frat house.
Make them clean it up! I TRY. I came up with the ultimate reward for the week. When we visited my friend last weekend, her daughter had a lot of make up (she's in dance) and they've been begging me for make up ever since. So I said, "For every day you clean the living room, you will earn one item for a makeup box." They were screaming, they were so excited. How many have they earned, as of today (Wednesday)? None. I cannot find a reward that works. I've tried going the negative route... lose the TV and computer for the rest of the day if you don't clean. They're perfectly content playing without them. It's really frustrating.
But I am truly sick of living in a pig sty.
Anyway, this morning, my coworker came in to work and announced that she's accepted another job. :::sigh:::
We have 3 people who work in the front office. Me, Coworker, and The New Girl. The New Girl has been there about a month, and it took us over 3 months to find her after The Other Girl quit. It was a horrible, excruciating 3 months of bizarre interviews and two other New Girls that lasted a week or 2. It was awful. Coworker and I have worked together for 8 years now. I like her. We get along great. I hate that she's going. But... Coworker is the Boss's daughter and working together has taken a huge toll on their relationship and causes a lot of stress at work in itself. So I fully understand and support her.
I just don't want to spend months trying to find a replacement. And I definitely don't want to do her job. Period. Scheduling. Just shoot me. Please.
We do already have an interview lined up, so fingers crossed....
When we were discussing when Coworker's last day will be, I made the decision that the week of vacation that I had yet to plan the dates for needed to happen before she leaves or else I just won't get to take it. I was going to have a 4 day weekend this week.... today would have been my last day this week. But I'm not finished with June's billing. So I'll go in Friday (we're closed so it will be nice and peaceful), finish up the billing, and then I'm taking next week off.
And I'm going to clean. Purge, organize, clean, clean, clean. I know it's going to be like shoveling snow in a blizzard, but I'll duct tape the kids to the ceiling if I have to (joking. maybe.) to get it done.
I'd rather go somewhere and not have to look at the mess for a week, but it's not in the budget to take a real vacation this year. So I guess I'll be an adult and deal with the mess. =)
I'm running a 5k in the morning. I've been Super Slacker this week (or two) exercise-wise (um, diet-wise, too, maybe. Definitely), so it might kill me. If you don't hear from me, you'll know why.
