Reflections and Projections

I'm not sure what it is this year, but I don't feel that reflective as we end 2009. I have more the opinion of "let's get this over with and get to the New Year already!" It's not that I've had a BAD year, but I can't really say it's been a spectacular year. It definitely could have been better, and probably should have been better and maybe that's where my attitude comes from. 2008 was an awesome year. I honestly can't tell you why at the moment, but I do remember closing out the year feeling accomplished and satisfied. I just don't feel that way this year.

Of course, there were some downers, but you can't expect a year to go by without something. My aunt passed away and really brought the possibility of my own parents' deaths much closer to home than I would have liked. I didn't expect her death to hit me like it did. I still feel very sad for my cousins, and when I was looking through pictures of her oldest grandchild getting married over the summer, I swear to you I could feel her with me and hear her singing.

I felt very stressed out by the negativity around me in the world... people freaking out over politics, the economy, H1N1, etc. I can only imagine how crazy it would have made me if I actively followed the news.

My best friends have been gone all year. I just kind of feel like Adam in particular helps so much to ground me, and having gone through the year hardly seeing or speaking to him even has sucked.

But there were plenty of highlights throughout the year.

Our vacation to NY was amazing, Olivia started school, watching Zoe grow into her little personality without having the demands of a newborn to distract me, Bill has had the same job all year, we quit smoking...

Like I said, though, I am ready to get to 2010 and I am set that I will make the most of this year. I've had a few years where I didn't want to make resolutions... but I want to this year. I want to make goals and I want to achieve goals.

The last time I saw Adam, he said something to me. He might have just been saying it to be saying it, because that was his demeanor at the time, but I know Adam usually doesn't just shoot off at the mouth. He said (and this isn't word for word) "Don't let your self-doubt keep you from accomplishing your goals."

And oh, how I do.

So I have two themes this year: Control and Confidence

I want to be in control of our finances. We're discussing doing Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and the Total Money Makeover system. It's scary to me. I was super pumped and excited at first and then the reality of the sacrifices involved sunk in and I'm scared to death. But that has a great deal to do with lack of confidence... I feel that there is no way I can make it work. I know I can if I just relax and do it though.

I want to be in control of my health. I've let my weight loss quest slide for about a month now, and I really need to focus again and make some serious and permanent changes throughout the year.

Throughout this past year, a thought that crosses my mind often has been "what's the worst that can happen if you fail?" I have been reluctant to do photography for people, and have mostly refused to let people pay me for it because I just haven't felt confident enough in myself. A girl at work wants me to give her a quote for a wedding for a friend of hers and my stomach just flips thinking about it. This is what I want, but it's terrifying to actually do it. There are so many photographers out there and sometimes I am just afraid I'm not that good.

But what's the worst that can happen if I try to make my name out there? I don't get anyone calling for my services? That's what I have now... what's the big deal? Could I fall on my face? Yeah. But it won't kill me, and as long as I'm alive, it's not a total loss.

I thought today maybe I should find a tiny toy football helmet to carry around to remind me that it won't kill me to take a couple of knocks.

So other than all that deep stuff, I want to be more creative with the sewing machine this year. I have plans to make sock monkeys for each of the girls (the Rockford Red Heel Socks are on their way), rag dolls for the girls, probably some dresses this summer...

I am truly excited about 2010 and want to make it an exciting and satisfying year. I sincerely hope that anyone reading this an exciting and satisfying year also and that you have the control and confidence to reach all your goals and then some!

Book 33 - Somebody Else's Daughter by Elizabeth Brundage

Somebody Else's Daughter by Elizabeth Brundage


My rating: 2 of 5 stars
I was a bit disappointed. I really enjoyed "The Doctor's Wife" and all the reviews I read made it seem like I wouldn't be able to put it down. But it just didn't do that to me. I pretty much had it all figured out and was hoping for a twist and there wasn't one. I also thought she was too involved with too many characters... she tells the story from no less than 8 perspectives and it was just too much.

View all my reviews >>

Just more pics

12/10 - I have to say my least favorite feature of my face is my nose. I think it's huge and I have enormous pores. I had one of those Biore pore strips on. I felt goofy.

12/11- New haircut. I've never had my hair this short before. I actually was very unhappy when I left the salon. The guy styled it all stupid and I looked like my mom 30 years ago. This was after a bit of restyling. It actually takes a lot of work to get it to look like that. My hair is too wavy to behave that well on it's own. It will most likely never look like that again.

12/12 - goofing off with Liv & Iz.

Past my bedtime

Day 3
Day 4

Today is actually Day 5, but I'm too lazy to get the picture off of the camera tonight. It did amuse me though =)

Tomorrow I'm getting my hair chopped. I got it cut in July and the girl did a horrible job. It's just now starting to look decent again. So why cut it again if it's just starting to not look like I cut it myself blindfolded? Because I want it shorter. I'm thinking a shag. Kinda short. Something messy. I'll probably hate it. I am taking a long lunch and doing it. I have stuff to color it too. Get these gray hairs to disappear for a bit. But first... the cut. Cross your fingers that I don't look like a freak.

Year 35

Well, here I am. 34 years old. This cheesy picture is me at the birthday "party" the girls and I threw at the last moment. Olivia was upset that no one came over and brought me presents so we had to do something. That's my party hat. Very stylish, don't you think? A good beginning to my little 365 project.



I may not get on here every day to post my pictures, but I hope to get them all posted here. I doubt they'll usually be all that interesting, but I'm hoping it will be a journey of sorts for me. I'm not too keen on having my picture taken and doing it every day for a year should be interesting. My nose looks huge in this picture. LOL

Big day coming up...

My 34th birthday is on Sunday. Crazy.

And believe it or not, I get a birthday party. A real birthday party. My coworker, her girlfriend, and I all have birthdays within a week, so we're having a joint birthday party tonight. Should be interesting, as I don't even know half of the guests.

I've decided to start up my Project 365 again to document my 35th year of life. Hopefully I can keep it going all year this time =) So look for that in the next few days.

Book 32 - The Doctor's Wife by Elizabeth Brundage

This book is about two couples and how their lives intertwine. Simon is an artist married to Lydia. Michael is an OB/GYN and is married to Annie. Annie is having an affair with Simon. Michael moonlights at an abortion clinic. Lydia is part of a radical anti-abortion group. Needless to say, it's all messy.

I liked two things about this book in particular. First was Brundage's description of things. The way she would describe a grape would make me almost feel like it was in my mouth. The other thing was her ability to make me love and hate all 4 main characters all at once. She tells the story from each character's point of view, so you not only get the negative feelings felt towards people, but then you get their side of the story.

My next book is also by Elizabeth Brundage. It will probably take me a while to read it, I have a huge list of things I need to get done before Christmas and I don't have much time to read right now.