Little Rock Half Marathon 2014

I almost didn't do it. I had spent so long in my funk just sitting on my behind that I didn't feel prepared. But, less than two weeks to go and I decided I COULD NOT quit. So I got back out there to train. I was still worried. I only made it up to 8 miles in training. But I was going to try.

The theme this year was super heroes. My original plan was Super Grover. When I asked my sister if she was dressing up, the plan changed. She was Super Grover and I was Super Gonzo. Personally I think we were the best costumes out there, hands down. =) And luckily I had the idea of using a rain poncho for capes. I think we both would have frozen to death otherwise.

The weather was a concern for days before the race. Yet another winter storm was headed our way. Good grief, I am sick of this winter. We knew it was going to rain so we looked up ways to keep our feet as dry as possible. But it was so much worse than we thought it would be.

It was so cold, barely above freezing and I am almost sure it was freezing by the end.  Windy... very windy in places. And rainy. My legs were numb. I don't think I have ever been so cold in my life. But I felt great! I would check my pace at each mile marker and I was doing way better than I thought I would. I kept my mind from thinking too far ahead, just one mile at a time. I reached 10 miles and was ecstatic. So close!

But then, just before mile 11, there was a cop redirecting us. He said there was a thunderstorm coming and they were shortening the course. Everyone was so upset. We met up with some people who hadn't been redirected and you could tell who had and hadn't been because we all looked like someone had popped our balloon at a party.

It turned out that they only shaved about a half mile off our route, which was even more irritating because it seemed so pointless... half a mile, 8 minutes at my pace...  how stupid. But I really shouldn't complain. The full marathoners were picked up on a bus and even if they refused the bus and finished, there was no one there to give them their medals. =( In fact, my sister is at the after race party and said they are just giving the medals away. (She asked if I wanted to have one and I was very torn but I want one of those huge hubcap medals so badly I said yes)

I finished, half a mile short, in 3:23. I totally would have smashed my previous times (3:35 & 3:45).  I am beyond impressed with myself.

Next stop:  RussVegas Half on April 26!  I have a lofty goal but I will tell you more later about that later.

Enough

I am enough.

I have enough.

Man, that hurt enough.  ;)

Coming up for air

Hi!  It's been a while....  I've been avoiding the computer for the most part.  I haven't even been reading blogs (sorry!).  It's been a rough couple of months on top of me just being very busy. 

Back in October, I had asked my doctor to put me on an antidepressant.  Things were OK for a while, but then they started getting worse.  Way worse.  I was to the point where I'd get home from work, sit down in my chair and didn't have the energy or desire to move until I dragged myself to bed.  I had no desire to do anything but crochet.  No walking.  Barely cleaning the house.  Rarely cooking.  And I didn't really see it until I had a very bad day at work and I had one of those "aha!" moments.  I could see that things were bad and blamed my job entirely.  Threatened to quit, but Bill wasn't going to be supportive of that and my boss was ready to do anything to keep me.  I said I'd hang in there, but things HAD to get better. 

Last Wednesday, I got aggravated over something stupid and sat at my desk fuming for a few minutes.  Then I realized I was about to start crying, so I got up and went to the bathroom.  I was in there crying hysterically for 10 minutes before I could calm down and go back to tell my boss I was leaving for the day.  I walked in her office and started again, another 10 minutes of crying and shaking.  I went home, spent the day thinking.  My boss texted me all day long, to make sure I was OK and suggest different things to try and help me out at work.  I struggled through Thursday and Friday, wishing I could just quit.  Saturday was when I realized I was in a lot of trouble.... I spent the day fighting tears, hiding in my room, throwing a tantrum when I got angry that the girls refused to help me clean... I planned on leaving the house before anyone woke up Sunday, leaving for 2 days... just run away from it all while Bill was off work to take care of the kids.  Deep down I knew that was bad.  It wasn't until I started thinking about cutting myself that I realized I needed help.  ASAP.  I begged Bill to give me a day to myself Sunday and I had already had a doctor's appointment scheduled for Monday (very fortunate timing).  I hoped if I could keep myself busy and away from stress until the appointment that things would be OK.

Instead of cutting myself, I did something else I'm prone to do when stressed out.  I cut my hair.  I cut it ALL off.  I've never had it this short.  Pixie cut short.  I love it.  Best thing I could have done for myself.

At my doctor's appointment, I told my doctor what was going on.  He asked me if I wanted to increase my  dosage on the Zoloft, and I told him something that I had been thinking about all day Sunday.   I've had spells of depression off and on my whole life.  The only time I was self-destructive, the only time I cut myself... I was on Zoloft.  And it seemed like the higher they increased my dosage, the worse I got.  So we decided to switch my meds altogether.  He switched me to Cymbalta, and not even a week out, I feel so much better.  Like people commenting on how much more cheerful I am better.

I am really hoping that this is going to lead me back to life again.  I am feeling a little more motivated, and that's a good thing, because I have a half-marathon in TWO WEEKS.  I haven't exercised in over a month.  But I'm going to try.  I had talked myself into not doing it, but I can't do that.  I need this.  Giving up is NOT an option.

Earlier today, a friend asked me if I was going to join in on her weight loss competition in a message on Facebook.  I wasn't really sure if I was ready to commit to something like that yet, so I set my phone down without responding, telling myself to think about it for a few minutes.  Then my notification went off again and I had another message from her saying "Great!  Jump on in."  I was confused, and then I saw the thumbs up picture (if you hit "send" without typing a message, it just puts up a thumbs up picture).  I must have accidently hit it when I put my phone down.  I'm taking it as a sign.  It's time.

Keep me in your thoughts, if you can.  I'll try to get back here more often, but I truly am very busy... my crochet business is keeping me hopping and now I'm crash training for the half-marathon and my kids are involved in the kids' marathon that we're behind in training for, too.  (They accumulate 25 miles over the weeks before the race, and do the final mile together.... they're not doing 26.2 miles in one day LOL). 

14 for 2014

I considered doing a "38 while 38" goal list around my birthday last month, but considering I didn't get through half of my "37 while 37" list, I thought this would be more attainable. 

Here are 14 things I am going to accomplish this year:

1. Have a family portrait made.
2. Read 25 books (or listen to, as I tend towards audiobooks lately so I can work and read)
3. Do 3 half-marathons (Little Rock on 3/2, others TBD)
4. Lose 50 lbs
5. Log 750 miles walking (or running if I get back into that)
6. Continue my once-a-month photos with my girls
7. Family Fun Days twice a month (or more)
8. Meditate three times a week (or more)
9. Get a tattoo
10. Start selling my crochet work
11. Mood afghan
12. Teach at least one of my kids to crochet
13. Sew at least one thing a month
14. No smoking

I ordered a treadmill today.  My rec center pass runs out very soon and considering that I only used the treadmill there, and it cost me $6 each time I went for childcare, it was worth just buying one for the house.  It's going where the Christmas tree was.  Yes, in my living room.  So it can stare at me and guilt me if I don't use it.  =)

A note about #14... it's "no smoking" instead of "quit smoking" because it's been almost 2 weeks since my last cigarette.  I was having trouble quitting and decided to try an e-cigarette.  I did some research online and decided to go to the local vape store (it's called "vaping" instead of "smoking" because it's vapor, not smoke) instead of just picking up a kit at the gas station.  I bought a starter kit for $40, and I LOVE it.  If you're not familiar with what the difference is, here's the basic idea...instead of burning plant matter to get the nicotine (and inhaling thousands of added chemicals), the nicotine is in a base liquid (made out of ingredients that are in all sorts of everyday things like asthma inhalers).  The liquid is heated up by an atomizer and produces a vapor. 

I know a lot of people don't see it as any better or different that smoking, but it's nothing like it at all and there has been a lot of research that shows people who go to e-cigarettes show the same improvements in health that a person who stops smoking altogether does.  Some people argue that there isn't enough research to support that it's better for you because it's a fairly new technology, but my personal opinion is that it probably isn't as good as ditching nicotine completely, but heating up a liquid with a few simple ingredients versus burning leaves laced with arsenic and thousands of other known harmful chemicals HAS to be better for me.

But, I don't stink like smoke anymore.  I hated smelling like smoke - I would immediately wash my hands and would even wear a different jacket outside just to smoke in.  I wouldn't wear it anywhere else.  It tastes much better, too.  You can get e-juice that tastes like tobacco, but there are hundreds of other flavors, too.  Right now mine tastes like cinnamon and watermelon, which sounds like an odd combo, but it's awesome.  There's no second-hand smoke (just water vapor) to endanger other people, and hardly any smell (and what little there is smells really nice).  And it's sooooo much cheaper.  I was spending at least $25 a week on cigarettes, and a bottle of e-juice that lasts me at least a week is $10.  You can spend a lot on components if you get really into it, but I'm happy with what I have.  I have to replace a $2 part every few weeks and in the future I might need to replace the battery.  It's already paid for itself and I feel better.  I did go through about a week of adjusting.... you do still go through some withdrawal, but it wasn't anything like quitting before.  So, no more smoking.  I don't smoke, I vape.  LOL  That sounds so stupid to me.  Maybe I'll try quitting nicotine altogether eventually (I can buy liquid with lower nicotine, even without any) but this works for me right now.

So, that's that.

Best wishes to you all for a spectacular 2014!  May all your wishes come true and your goals be met!

2014 Mood Blanket

I am trying to post this from my phone, so excuse any strange autocorrects that I may miss.  =)

I have always wanted to do some sort of "one-a-day" type of project, but I am afraid I won't follow through an entire year. Well, I think this is going to be the year. I am going to make a mood blanket.

My color pallet is a bit monochromatic, but I want something for my bedroom and I like pale blues and greens.

It took me a while to finally decide on a pattern. At first I didn't want to do granny squares so I thought about making a blanket out of flowers. But when I thought about that, I realized it would end up small and bulky. After racking my brain, I decided to make another Babette blanket. But the pattern only has 126 squares. After doing some math and trying to revise the pattern a million different ways, I finally realized that if I dropped the last section off, there are 90 squares.  I will just duplicate it 4 times to make an afghan that will probably be almost queen size!  Perfect! Add a border 5 rows wide and I have 365! 

I am really excited about this and looking forward to what I hope will be a very light blue and green blanket!

Christmas Run-down

I need to stop promising to make blog posts about things. 

I have a lot on my mind with the New Year coming, things I will share, but for now I need to show off all my Christmas crafting...

First, the dresses.  Unfortunately, I do not have any good pictures of my kids wearing their dresses.  I had hoped to get some yesterday, but they got other new clothes that were far more exciting and they passed on wearing their dresses for pictures.  Plus, it's really difficult to get them to pay attention to me long enough to stand still and pose for a picture right now.  Chaos rules.  But here are the dresses on hangers...

Olivia's dress... Lorelei pattern by Lilygiggle

Zoe's dress... Secret Garden pattern by Lilygiggle

Isabelle's dress... Juliet pattern by Lilygiggle 

(this is my favorite of the three, especially once they tried them on)

I made a doll each for the girls.  And Grover Cleveland.  And an elf.

The Prez and our elf Cinnamon

Olivia's Princess Selenia from Arthur and the Invisibles

Isabelle's Bunny

Zoe's Monkey

I need to make Zoe a Bunny for her birthday (tomorrow!) but it's going to be late.  I needed a small break.

And hats... I used my family's Christmas presents as a chance to try out some ideas for hats to make for my shop I plan on opening soon.  The first one probably just seems weird to anyone not from Arkansas...  Razorback college football (and basketball) are huge around here.  I need to make some revisions, but this is what I like to call "The Mo-Hawg"



For my mother, I got inspired by the Stained Glass afghan I made a few years ago, and I turned it into a hat. 



Then, as I was making it, I thought it might make a really nice snowflake if I changed up the colors...  and my sister's hat was born:



And that's about it... I did make a mohawk hat for my brother-in-law, but I didn't get a picture of it.

I have so many ideas running around in my head to work on for my shop.  I'm excited.  =)  It'll probably take me a little bit to get it up and running, but I'll let you know!

I am going to do a mood blanket over the course of 2014.  I will go into it more later (I'm tired, can you tell?) but I thought I'd give you a sneak peek at what's to come:

Keeping busy...

I have quite a few things to show off, but I'm too lazy to upload them right now.  I have the next week off of work (WOOO!) so I promise I'll get them up soon.  I've been so busy the past few weeks, and I've loved every minute of it. 

Unfortunately, I haven't been working out, and that's something I need to remedy.  Next week I really have no excuses (although I'm sure I'll try to find a few) and I plan on getting back in the swing of things.  I had to bow out of my half-marathon tomorrow because I just haven't been able to train at all for a while.  First my diabetes made me feel like total poo, then I got sick, then we had an ice storm... I know I could walk 13.1 miles tomorrow, but I'd be in a world of pain for it.  I'm just going to suck it up and focus on my one in March.

As for day-to-day, I've let crochet take back over all my time.  I have to learn to balance it all, but I've been having so much fun.  Making dolls and hats... and decisions.  When I got into making my half-marathon hats, I had that spark ignite again to try to do something to make money with my hobby.  At first I thought about making up patterns, and I may do that some, but I've had people asking me to make them things left and right.  I made 3 hats for one coworker, need to make one for another coworker, and another friend asked me to make her a doll for her granddaughter's birthday after the New Year.  I have another coworker making a list of things she wants. 

So, I'm going to call it official.  I'm going to do custom dolls and hats.  And I also will make a lot of Christmas things and next Christmas do a booth at a craft fair... ornaments, elf dolls, garland, things like that.  I'm super stoked about it.  I don't anticipate making a ton of money or replacing my job (although wouldn't that be awesome?) but I love doing this and even if I'm not making a lot of money, I'll be enjoying it.  I had, a few years ago, tried to give this a bit of a go, but I wasn't very confident about it.  I think now is the time though to revive ZIO Creations.  =)

I have a lot of non-crochet details to work out in the next few weeks, but I'll be sure to let you all know about it.  =)