I went to the doctor, explained myself and got some Lexapro. I start out with half a pill and work up to a whole pill and then let him know in a few weeks how I'm feeling. Hopefully the Linda Blair head-spinning will be gone soon.
I did learn something, though. My being so psychotic the last time I was on antidepressants may not have been entirely me being psychotic. He was explaining to me that since I am young (especially compared to his usual elderly patients...) that I need to tell him if I ever start feeling suicidal to let him know. It's more common for antidepressants to cause that reaction the younger you are.
When I was put on Zoloft in my early 20s, I started out on a fairly low dose. After I had been on Zoloft a few months, I was actually doing worse and was having panic attacks. So they upped my dosage. I started cutting myself - upped my dosage. Became suicidal. Then a friend of mine convinced me to stop taking Zoloft and I actually got better. 10 years ago, I don't think much of a connection had been made. Antidepressants were supposed to STOP suicidal thoughts, not cause them.
But I felt very encouraged that he seemed to agree with me that this should help me. He's not the type of doctor to just whip out a prescription pad whenever you tell him you want something.
I also got the results of the rest of the lab work I had done a few months ago. The nurse had called to tell me about the Hep C being negative, but she never said anything about the other routine lab he did and I wasn't really in a place to discuss it when she called. My blood sugar was good and my cholesterol was good - which is AMAZING! Heart disease is very strong on my dad's side of the family and I expected my cholesterol to be ugly since I haven't been the healthiest eater.
He said I should see a difference in a few days to a few weeks. I hope it's soon or my family is going to be duct taped to the wall if this evening is any indication.