If your dreams don't scare you...

Source: etsy.com viaJennifer on Pinterest

Last Sunday, my sister and I went for a walk together at the rec center.  At some point, she mentioned that there was an obstacle race in Little Rock sometime this year.  I filed that in my swiss cheese memory to look up when I got home (and I forgot, of course).  I am fascinated by obstacle races.  The first time I saw that Spartan Race video, I thought it would be so awesome to do something like that.  But I mean, come on... Look at me then look at those people.  Let's be serious.

But that was months ago.  Something inside me has definitely changed.

I finally remembered to look up the race yesterday.  It's called Conquer The Gauntlet.  It's actually on my anniversary this year, September 21.  I watched the video and it doesn't look quite as intense as a Spartan Race (what does?), but there are still several obstacles that are just hardcore.  

And I want to do it.  Really bad.

I want to do it so badly, I'm trying to figure out how to get enough upper body strength built up in 6 months to be able to do some of that stuff.  I don't know if it's even possible.  I'd still be over 200 lbs, most likely.  I can't even do a real push up, let alone try to climb a wall.  

My sister said she isn't sure she could be ready by then, either.

But next year....

No excuses, she said.

Oh, it's on.  And I have that "holy crap, what am I doing?" funny feeling in my tummy that I'm really starting to love.  Because it means my dream is big enough.

Like I said, something inside me has definitely changed.  A year ago, I would have died laughing if you told me that right now, I would have a half-marathon medal hanging on my wall, be signed up for a second, would be learning to run, and seriously thinking of doing an obstacle race.  No freaking way.  I've never been an athlete, had no desire to be an athlete, and would not have believed it was even inside me.

But it is.  There's this whole other person inside clawing her way out and it's so weird.  

I had someone tell me a few months ago that they didn't like the person I was becoming.  And, I suppose it's normal for that phrase to come back to me from time to time, to think about the person I am becoming.  And she might not like it, but I love it.  I finally have confidence that I can do whatever I set my mind to.  It might not be easy, but that's what feeds the fire.  I finally feel like I've taken the lead part in my life instead of just playing supporting roles in everyone else's lives.  

When I was at the playground with the girls this past week, I looked at the monkey bars.  Of course, I'm far too tall to even attempt kid-sized monkey bars.  And I don't have the upper body strength (yet) to go across even if I weren't to tall.  But I wanted to climb on top of them and over them.  I'm terrified of heights, and the idea of crawling over those bars was scary, but there's a part of me that wants to do the scary things now.  To prove to myself that I can.  I didn't do it, but I kind of wish I had.  

It's a crazy feeling, wanting to do the scary things.  It's a feeling I hope spreads throughout my entire life, not just where the physical challenges are.

My sister has signed up to do the half-marathon in October.  She's also started C25k.  I am so excited for her.  For the journey she's started.  I hope it's every bit as life-changing for her as it has been for me.