Thursday, March 17, 2011

These things really happen to me.

So, let me tell you about my ride home from work today.  I drive my husband's truck to work because he has to use the MV (that's my cool way of talking about the minivan) to get the kids to school.  It's a 2001 Dodge Ram and it's been loved to pieces almost.  Seriously, it's seen better days.  The windshield is cracked, the paint rubbed off in spots, the dash is cracked, and most importantly for this story, the AC doesn't work.

I'm driving home with the window about halfway down because it's 72* here and hot as balls (see the end of the story) in the truck.  I'm just off in my own little mental world, as usual, listening to music, as usual.  I was about halfway home when, all of a sudden... THUNK.  Something thunked me in the head.  Something flew in the window and thunked me in the head.  I was all like, "what the (censored) was that?"  I'm trying to look around and on me to see what it was (without driving off of the road or into other people) and couldn't find anything.  That's just not normal. 

About a minute later, I heard it.  The buzz.  I turned my head and there was a wasp.  Or a hornet.  I don't know the difference.  They sting and that's all that really matters to me.  I'm not allergic or anything, but that doesn't mean I want the stupid thing to sting me.  It would hurt and that's enough.

I can't roll the other window down because Bill didn't spring for automatic windows (and in our vehicles, the motor always seems to burn out anyway so it wouldn't have worked anyway).  I just tried to drive as still as humanly possibly so I didn't attract any attention.  The thing is obviously ticked off... it just thunked into my hard head and when it woke up, it probably has a headache and is discovering that something is blocking it's way out.  So I get to drive the rest of the way home trying to not even breathe so it doesn't take its frustration out on me.  Thankfully, I made it home and out of the truck unscathed.  You can relax now.  I know you were on the edge of your seat.  Whew!

** I know "hot as balls" is kind of a vulgar phrase, but I love it.  And let me explain why.  You know, my mom likes to point out that while I am an intelligent person, I don't have much common sense.  The first time I ever heard "hot as balls", I was talking with a friend of mine who worked on a golf course.  He said it alot.  And, in my head, the connection was made balls - golf course - golf balls.  He must be saying it's as hot as golf balls laying outside in the hot sun.  Yeah.  I know it doesn't NOW.  But I still can't say it without thinking of sweaty golf balls and it makes me giggle.  So, when I say it, it's not vulgar because I don't really mean those balls.  See?  Good.



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