Things I hear

Sometimes I think I am invisible.  Lord knows I am to my kids half the time.  At the very least, I'm mute.  But even out in the real world, there are times when I just want to say "Hellooooo.... do you not see me?"  Let me give you two examples from just this week.  (Oh, and if bodily functions and mild profanity offend you, you might want to pass this up....)

I work with mostly women and every time I want to use the restroom, it's occupied.  So, I started just going down the hall to the public restroom at the hospital.  The other day I went in there and there were two other women in the stalls.  One went to wash her hands and I heard the other one say "Hey, is there anyone else in here?"  To which her friend replied, "Nope."  It's not like I teleported in, I'm sure I made noise walking in the door and shutting the stall door, but apparently I was in stealth mode and didn't know it.  So, feeling secure that no one but her friend was listening, the lady passed gas.  LOUDLY.  Like, my husband would have felt inadequate.  I, personally, don't care how close of friends we are, I'm not doing that if it can be helped and obviously it could have been or she wouldn't have asked.  But some people are more comfortable with their bodily noises than others.  But I thought, "Oh, no.  I can't leave this stall until they leave or she's going to just be mortified."  And I did... I just sat and waited for them to finish chit chatting, fixing their hair and washing up.  I shouldn't have since they took their sweet time doing so, but I do so hate embarrassing folks.

Today I had to run into GNC at lunch.  There were two guys working, and no customers but me, so they were both at the register as I checked out.  One guy asked me for my email address so they could send me coupons, so I gave it to him.  The other guy commented that he always found people's email addresses fascinating.  That's when that damn stealth mode kicked in again.  The first guy said "Hey, have you ever seen Couple's Retreat where they set the alarm off and have to give the password and it's 'asstastic'?"  Asstastic?  Seriously?  You have a customer in front of you.  "Asstastic" is hardly appropriate conversation in front of a customer.  I mean, I wasn't offended... it takes much more than that... but can you imagine if some Miss Manners wannabe had heard that? 

At least my life is never boring.