Friday, May 6, 2011


My plans didn't quite go like I wanted today.  I wanted to take the kids to the Museum of Discovery and play in the park downtown.  When I went to check the hours of the MOD, I saw that they're closed for renovations.  Bah.  So we started out to go to another place that I really didn't want to go... until I asked them where they wanted to go.  Isabelle said she wanted to go to the store with the little shopping carts.

You have to love kids.  She wanted to go to Kroger.

So we did.  We have a huge Kroger Marketplace on the other side of the river.  It's like the best store ever.  Fancy schmancy grocery store plus half of Walmart all rolled into one. 

When we walked in, there was this huge display of hydrangeas.  I adore hydrangeas.  I want to plant about a hundred of them, but since we rent, I won't.  I know the landlord wouldn't care, but I would cry to leave them behind.  I think they are just gorgeous, and I want to make something with these colors...

Maybe a blanket... I'd love to wrap myself up in those flowers.

As if that wasn't gorgeous enough, the first thing we saw in the floral department was this:
Blue orchids.  Love.

I just love that color.  I want everything in my life to be that shade of blue or a pale green.  

We did a little shopping there and at an actual Walmart where I picked up some crochet thread for a shawl I want to make.  I've never worked with crochet thread before.  I'm not really liking it much just yet.  I had to take quick action to stave off a migraine when I was about 30 minutes into it.  I'm more of a worsted weight yarn and bulkier type of girl.  I decided to practice with some sport weight yarn and I think I might be able to go back to the thread soon.  I just needed to get the pattern straight.  I can't deal with a new pattern and new medium all at once I guess.

But, back to the topic...

We shopped, then went to lunch.  Near the place we ate lunch was a fountain and there was a small playground, so I took the girls over there to play for a bit.  There were some small trees planted in raised boxes, just the right height for me to notice this:


I don't know, it just reminded me fairies and other tiny creatures.  I love nature.

As I was going through pictures later, I came across a photo of Zoe jumping off of one of the boxes.  And it's just stayed on my mind as I somewhat stress a little over the outfit I'm making.  I don't mind experimenting with stuff for my kids, because no one really cares what it looks like but me.  But I'm trying new things with this outfit and it's for someone else and I know they are just expecting amazing.  I guess I'm worried that I can't deliver amazing.  Part of me knows I can do it but there's that other part of me that worries that it just will fall short.  And I know that this is the feeling that has held me back my whole life.  I know that people have high expectations of me and I always feel like I can't live up to it, so I just shrink back.  But you know what?


It's time for me to just jump in.  I love creating stuff.  I'm good at it - I'm not perfect, but I don't mind experimenting and trying to learn something new.  It might not ever be much more than a hobby that makes me a little money now and then, but I have to stop worrying that no one's going to like it because if they didn't like it, they wouldn't ask me to do it.  And even if they stop asking me, I still have myself to make happy.  This is what makes me happy.

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