Sunday, July 3, 2011

Burning bridges

Sometimes I think you have to set fire to a bridge just to see what its made of.  I may have finished it off or I might have just cleared the brush away so we can get back to the way things should be.  Only time will tell.

I bottle up emotions.  It's a horrible habit, inherited from my father.  In my entire life, I've seen him truly angry once, and only heard about one other time.  I don't really care to see it again, to be sure.  The only person  I really ever voice my discontent to is my poor husband.  If he makes me mad, he generally knows.  Maybe that's a good thing, at least I don't ever totally fly off the handle.  Much.

I felt a lot of mixed emotions today, listening to my kids talk about some friends of theirs that they haven't seen in about a year because of a bit of a rift between me and their parents.  And then out of the blue, one of them contacted me.  I had to pour out a little bit of my emotions before it just made me explode.  I feel better, even though I don't really know the outcome. 

Sorry to get so personal.  I don't want to be a downer, just need a release valve tonight.  I'm kind of bummed as it is because tomorrow is my last day off of work.  I don't want to go back.  I usually count on my kids to drive me batty enough on my vacations that I'm ready to go back to work for the break.  But they didn't really.  I had a lot of fun this past week.  My boss always told me that she thinks I'm a lot like her and that we are both better mothers for working outside the home (not bashing stay at home moms, just pointing out different personalities).  We are able to make the shorter amount of time we have more special.  I used to agree with her, but I don't know if I've changed or if it's just easier now that the girls are older and not so dependent all at the same time.  I would give anything to stay home with them.  It would be pretty financially devastating, though.  I know people do it on less than what my husband makes, but I don't know how.  And I think the stress of being financially strapped would probably dampen the joy of being at home.  My husband was pretty excited that the house was actually clean this past week, though.  Most of it anyway... I always stop really caring on Thursday.  I'm pretty worthless in most aspects of life Thursday and Friday.  =)

Maybe work won't be so bad... the couple of weeks before my vacation were kind of rough at work.  A lot of personal things going on with coworkers.  I don't want to seem like I don't care about their personal problems, because I do.  It was just a lot to deal with in a short time.  Plus, I only have to work 13 days before my next vacation.  That doesn't make it seem all that bad at all, if I don't think about all the work I need to cram into 13 days.  LOL

Thanks for letting me ramble (assuming you made it this far....).  Here's to a good week.  Have a happy 4th!

1 comment:

  1. maybe clearing the air will help. I hope you have a great week!



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