I've been somewhat quiet the past week, haven't I? You know how sometimes you have so much to do that you just don't even know where to start? That's how I've been feeling, only it's not so much things I have to do. It's all things I want to do and I just don't even know where to begin.
My crochet to do is kind of sad... my crafting seems to be seasonal and it's sewing season. I've put aside the baby blanket for right now and I made a sweet little strawberry hat to send to my friend. They love to go strawberry picking, so I thought it was perfect. Only I'm afraid it's too small. Like I've had a baby head around here recently to compare it to... I'd show you a picture if I could remember to take one before it's dark out.
My sewing list is really even longer than that. I have a few patterns I want to try... shrink that vintage pattern.. all kinds of things.
And the sticky notes are things I think of at work that need to be done at home. I'm not doing a very good job checking much off tonight.
I just want to get in there and make. Create. But I have other things I have to do. Then I get cranky because I don't want to go mate socks. I want to sew. So I don't do anything.
I'm also experiencing some spring fever.... I want to purge and organize this house so badly. But when?
If I could, I would quit my job tomorrow. Not because I think stay-at-home moms have it easier. But because I really want to focus on what's important to me. Doing more things with the kids. Having a house that's not embarrassing. Possibly working on building a business related to my sewing and crocheting. Not dragging myself to work every morning to do something that does not stimulate me in any way anymore.
But I have to work. I know plenty of people make it on one income, but I've never been able to make the numbers work for us. And I'm not the greatest at budgeting, so having a really tight budget would most likely be a disaster in the making. Plus, we're spoiled. I was so miserable going to work Monday, and then Bill and I started talking about making a trip to Memphis in a few months and I realized that I'd be unhappy if we didn't get to take little trips like that. There are just things we don't want to give up that we'd have to if our income was cut in half.
I know I sound really whiny. I just have to get it out somehow because it's like no one listens to me. No one believes that I would really be satisfied staying at home, so they just blow me off. Once upon a time, that totally would have been the case. But the past few times that I've taken off work just to be home, people have been like "oh, you'll be glad to get back to work after a week home with the kids!" And I haven't. I enjoyed it far too much.
Maybe one of these days my brain will click and I'll figure out how to budget my time and resources better and learn to balance work and home and hobby. In the meantime, I just need to weather these moments of discontent. My life isn't bad at all and I don't want to seem ungrateful for all the wonderful blessings I do have by wishing for more. I am very grateful. I think we all have to be a whiny brat once in a while, though. Right?